Good ol’ trusty rock…

I gotta admit, I’m surprised how many games of Rock Scissors Paper I win, when people know that I play Bart Simpson style – good ol’ trusty rock.

Anyway, the only other thing as trusty as rock is idine. Here’s what their suggestion was for tonight – Try the outstanding meatloaf wrapped in bacon and topped with molasses gravy, or the iceberg salad with chunks of bacon, hazelnuts and egg. The star of the dessert menu is the Texas Funeral Fudge Cake, seven layers of chocolaty goodness accompanied by a tall glass of cold milk.

They had me at bacon wrapped meatloaf. I mean, it’s not on the hyped up iheartbacon.com site, but it is good enough for little ol’ me. When I got there, I found out that the Fudge Cake wasn’t on the menu…but carrot cake was – with a BOTTLE of milk. Not just a glass.

Menu is sprinkled with various food quotes – like “A meal without wine is called breakfast.”? Lots of things look good, but I’m on a mission. So I go with the meatloaf, but I need some vegetables. Asparagus for $9.95? Waitress says yes. Okay then. Bread came with 3 butters – I call them, red, green, and white. Red wasn’t that good. Green was like pasta. White was pretty good too.

Meatloaf was tiny. Tiny. But mashed potatoes were pretty good. I think they had peas in them. If you read the menu, you might argue that they only list green onions. And if you look in the mashed potatoes, you might not find any peas. But when you’re eating them, you’d swear there were peas in them. I liked it.

Asparagus was cooked over an open fire. Quite charred. So charred that when I was done with the plate, the butter remains had black streaks running throughout it. And my burps still make me feel like I’m at a summer bbq. All things considered, that ain’t so bad for Feb 27th.

Carrot cake was huge. Too huge. I faced it for 45 minutes. Saw ESPN news cycle around. Drank my bottle of milk, thinking that’d be my excuse to get rid of the cake. Waitress offered me more milk. I shared my plan. She took the cake away.

Ever spend a meal just listening to a waitress fake laugh at all the customer’s comments? It is enlightening. I thought she only greeted me with “Are you going to be joining me for dinner?” but that got cleared up pretty quickly. I think my reply wasn’t as bad as this father (with wife and 21+ year old daughter) saying he’d be delighted if she could join them for dinner. Wife started out ordering a Kamikaze. What kind of mother is that? Then she switched to a Syrah. Really, what kind of lady is that?

Pretty expensive meal for 1. Would have made more sense if someone was around to share the cake and vegetables. Maybe next time. But I couldn’t make the party at Morton’s for the Olympics. Their sister restuarant seems to be in Livermore – Zephyr Grill – maybe I’ll take a chance there too…if it’s on idine.