Jun 072013


A while back, one morning I was watching some goofy videos on the web, as I feel they keep me in a good mood all day.  Sal joined me.  That morning we saw a guy spank a female friend, her jump up in shock, and then him smashing a pie in her face.  Good stuff.

A bit later on, I was walking by Catherine, who was leaning over, and made eye contact with Sal.  I wound up like I was going to give her an enormous spanking, but I didn’t.  Just pretended to, her not noticing.  Then Sal asks “But where is her pie?”  And his mother is confused why he’s asking about a pie for her.

As I explained the story to a mother that didn’t look so pleased, I started to question my life choices. During some point in my life, consciously or not, I had decided that pies were to be eaten and not thrown. Now, I wasn’t quite so sure anymore.

And over the past few months, I’ve gotten more and more curious about what the pie throwing lifestyle would be like. I don’t feel like I’ve been able to find that initial video Sal and I saw, but I’ve seen a lot.  Buzzfeed has a nice page of tips too. That couple in 19 could be the couple Sal and I saw originally, but it doesn’t quite feel like it to me.  My memory of it is a different angle. But my internet memory ain’t so good no more.

With all this research I’ve done though, I feel like I might want to try it out. I’ve been so bold as to even tell Catherine that sometime this year, she’s going to get a pie in the face. It was like that moment in Taken, when he tells his daughter she’s going to get taken…except it was in person, not over the phone. And it was about a pie in the face.

She didn’t have any kind words in return, but she had a smile on her face.  She doesn’t have a poker face…I know she’s going to enjoy it.

I’ve asked others who have had similar lifestyle choices and some are curious too.  Though I’ve heard divorce threatened too.

But then, it brings up the option of pie swapping.  If your wife and my wife won’t let us throw a pie in their faces, what if we do it to each other’s wives?

Or get an external agent.  My brother, though, says he doesn’t want any part of such funny business. Still, he suggested that maybe I could Task Rabbit it.  Probably falls under the “food delivery” category.  I’m sure you can be as specific as you want to be, if the price is right.  “Pick up a pie from Safeway and deliver it to her face.”

I might also pay to get myself pied too.  To try and move suspicion away from me.

But I think part of why I am drawn to it is the feeling of the pie and face becoming one. (Side note here – my brother said he’d prefer a cake to the face instead of a pie.  I take requests.  Though he didn’t approve of me holding an ice cream cake like a bat and introducing the cake to his face that way…go figure.)

Of course, since I’ve felt my pies were to be eaten and not thrown for so long, it hasn’t been easy for me to make the change quickly. The signs are there though. Catherine still smiles when I mention it. I bet she’s smiling as she’s reading this even. And the harsh words are not so harsh anymore.

Plus Marie Callender’s just sent us a Happy Anniversary coupon for two free slices of pie.

Destiny can’t be any clearer.

Jan 152010

Last night, there was something on TV talking about the passage of 20 years.

I thought about 20 years for a moment and realized that in 3 years, I’d have known Catherine for 20 years.

I shared my joy and excitement of that fact with her.

“Well, this year, I’ll have known you half my life.” She snorted with semi-disgust.

I was quite taken aback with the amount of dislike she was able to compress into such a potentially sweet moment.  I had to come up with a rebuttal.

“Uh…well, I see it as you’ve doubled in age.” I was able to snort back.

It’s all just perspective, honeybun.


Oct 302009

Back at UCSD doing a career fair. Am reminded that I’m old, cause a student who was a cog sci/computer sci double major, when she found out that I had the same degrees, couldn’t resist saying “They had a cognitive science department back then?”  Back then?  How old am I?

But in the last 15 years, the place has changed a lot (the cog sci building is “old” and there is a whole new computer science building..).   When I got to the Price Center I felt like I was in the wrong place.  The Price Center was new when I was a student.  I was dropped off by the shuttle at another new building.  But some greeters assured me this was the Price Center, it just had a new wing.  During a break, I wandered around and found the ATM bank where Catherine and I had an interaction that stuck with me.

Naturally, we had an interesting start to our relationship, Catherine and I. She tutored me in Ethics and Society her 1st year (my 4th year). Then she went away for the summer and I worked at the Institute of Geophysics and Planetary Physics (IGPP for short, but best said with a slight pause – IGee, PeePee). I sat on my butt from 9-5 mapping earthquake data and playing some unix spaceship game on the net.

I turned 21 that summer. I discovered that I wasn’t drinking much before that time due to convenience and my law abiding nature rather than the fear of following in my alcoholic ancestry.  I started sitting on my butt from 5-9 at happy hour at El Torito. i probably gained 20 pounds that summer.

So when school starts back up that fall, Walt and I are at the ATM bank getting some money so we can play video games and win/lose dinner, when Catherine comes walking up that path and see us.

“Hey Catherine!”

“Hey! You got fat!”  Those were her first words to me after a summer apart.  And she might not even have said “Hey!”

Sep 012009

The other day, Sal was talking about how we could move around the house as different animals.  When we were crawling along like octopi, he commented how if Chapo could see us, he would think “What the hell? What are they doing?”  Proper usage but we still had to talk about not using that phrasing.  Offering instead, for him to say another phrase, which he created while playing the IronMan demo – “What the helicopter?!?”

Anyway, this morning, I was asking Sal what we should get his mother for her birthday.  He said a movie ticket.  Then he said movie tickets.  And I asked if he was going to go see a movie too (cause he’s not really a big movie fan).  Then he said that he would go stay at Sandy’s house while we went to go see a movie.

It was pretty sweet.

Now I just need to convince him to add a “District 9” qualifier to it…

Jun 022008

…my wife ever said to me was once, when she was reading some blog post of mine and snorted with a bit of disgust. It wasn’t really a snort – she doesn’t snort – but it’s her petite equivalent to snorting. I asked her what she was snorting over.

She said it was one of my tags I used on the post. I asked “Why? Which one?” wanting to fix the error in my assessment of things.

“Funny” was her reply.  (I think it was the one about my report card.)

I got nervous. Self-conscious. “Well, uh, I thought it was funny.”

She wasn’t going to back down. “It was. It’s just that I don’t see that tag often but a lot of your posts are funny.”

I love her cause of her sense of humor…

So as I’m going back through all these posts, as I find myself doing at late hours of the night lately, I try and categorize things into many buckets that don’t quite fit. But when the bucket is “funny” – I can’t help but think of her unexpected comment, and smile.

Feb 142007

It is a line from The Slums of Beverly Hills. A good movie. Arkin says it to cheer up his family, after forcing them to pack up and move in the middle of the night, cause he’s dodging rent. But he likes staying in Beverly Hills apts for the address. And maybe so his kids are in better schools.

Anyway – about 3 or 5 or 7 years ago, for Valentine’s Day, Catherine and I were making plans for dinner and I asked her that very question. With the same sort of rally the troops kind of enthusiasm that Arkin brought to the screen. And Catherine was down with it. She wanted steak!

So, in the movie, they went to Sizzler.

Art imitates life, which imitates art.

Sizzler is kind of packed on Valentine’s Day – lots of players out there, showing some game. We went to the one on Great America, over by Burger King, just in case the line was too long. Catherine looked long and hard at the menu and ended up with the steak and lobster combo.

Instead of my usual reaction of shouting out – That’s the most expensive thing on the menu! I just looked over at the other players in line and nodded. That’s right. She’s worth it. She’s probably even gonna add a diet coke and a salad bar to that 19.95 meal, but she’s worth it. Yup – that’s my name on her wrist…

Later that night, as I was cleaning the puke up off the carpet in the hallway, I thought, maybe we won’t do Sizzler again for dinner, when she’s got something to prove.