Jun 072013


A while back, one morning I was watching some goofy videos on the web, as I feel they keep me in a good mood all day.  Sal joined me.  That morning we saw a guy spank a female friend, her jump up in shock, and then him smashing a pie in her face.  Good stuff.

A bit later on, I was walking by Catherine, who was leaning over, and made eye contact with Sal.  I wound up like I was going to give her an enormous spanking, but I didn’t.  Just pretended to, her not noticing.  Then Sal asks “But where is her pie?”  And his mother is confused why he’s asking about a pie for her.

As I explained the story to a mother that didn’t look so pleased, I started to question my life choices. During some point in my life, consciously or not, I had decided that pies were to be eaten and not thrown. Now, I wasn’t quite so sure anymore.

And over the past few months, I’ve gotten more and more curious about what the pie throwing lifestyle would be like. I don’t feel like I’ve been able to find that initial video Sal and I saw, but I’ve seen a lot.  Buzzfeed has a nice page of tips too. That couple in 19 could be the couple Sal and I saw originally, but it doesn’t quite feel like it to me.  My memory of it is a different angle. But my internet memory ain’t so good no more.

With all this research I’ve done though, I feel like I might want to try it out. I’ve been so bold as to even tell Catherine that sometime this year, she’s going to get a pie in the face. It was like that moment in Taken, when he tells his daughter she’s going to get taken…except it was in person, not over the phone. And it was about a pie in the face.

She didn’t have any kind words in return, but she had a smile on her face.  She doesn’t have a poker face…I know she’s going to enjoy it.

I’ve asked others who have had similar lifestyle choices and some are curious too.  Though I’ve heard divorce threatened too.

But then, it brings up the option of pie swapping.  If your wife and my wife won’t let us throw a pie in their faces, what if we do it to each other’s wives?

Or get an external agent.  My brother, though, says he doesn’t want any part of such funny business. Still, he suggested that maybe I could Task Rabbit it.  Probably falls under the “food delivery” category.  I’m sure you can be as specific as you want to be, if the price is right.  “Pick up a pie from Safeway and deliver it to her face.”

I might also pay to get myself pied too.  To try and move suspicion away from me.

But I think part of why I am drawn to it is the feeling of the pie and face becoming one. (Side note here – my brother said he’d prefer a cake to the face instead of a pie.  I take requests.  Though he didn’t approve of me holding an ice cream cake like a bat and introducing the cake to his face that way…go figure.)

Of course, since I’ve felt my pies were to be eaten and not thrown for so long, it hasn’t been easy for me to make the change quickly. The signs are there though. Catherine still smiles when I mention it. I bet she’s smiling as she’s reading this even. And the harsh words are not so harsh anymore.

Plus Marie Callender’s just sent us a Happy Anniversary coupon for two free slices of pie.

Destiny can’t be any clearer.

May 262011

Apparently a little while back Sal had a friend over to play. And they were running around as boys tend to do and it was warm outside. Sal worked up a bit of a sweat so he decided to take his shirt off.

He had a little, white, ribbed tank top on underneath.

Sal’s friend commented to his own mother, “Now Sal looks like Dad!”

Sal, wanting to take part in the conversation replied with “Want to see how my dad looks?”

Without waiting for an answer, he then started to take off his pants.

His mother was barely able to stop him before the embarrassment paralyzed her…

Mar 152011

I like the show.  I’m thrown off cause my brother mentioned how Archer and Bob from Bob’s Burgers have the same voice.  But the writing is funny enough that I keep pulling it down on demand.

It also came up recently, that my brother wanted the Pirate Virus as a ringtone.  I hadn’t seen that episode yet, so I blindly made the mp3 for him and that was that.  Then last night I watched the episode.  It is a good one – and not just because of the twins.

Good enough, or at least they played the tone over and over enough that it found a happy spot in my brain, such that I felt I should make an iPhone compatible format of the ringtone, so at worst, I can set it to Marco’s personalized ring for when he calls me.  That once a year.  In Vegas.  I’m sure I’ll hear it.

What? What?

The mp3 version.

The m4r version for your iPhone (right click save it, then drop the file into iTunes, sync it onto your device, and enjoy).

Jul 112010

We’re riding bikes home from breakfast this morning.  Taking a slightly longer route, since my distance means something now.  Mom isn’t having as much fun as Sal, mostly because her bike isn’t attached to mine, like his is.

Dad, to mom: “Do you like running better than biking?”

Mom doesn’t really reply.

Salvador: “Mom, do you even run?”

Mom: “I do.”

Salvador: “I mean, not when you were a little kid.”

I knew then we needed to pick up the pace to stay out of her reach…

Oct 212009

Sal told me that the day after we ordered the costume.

I started off on a bit of rant about how we discussed several times before we ordered the costume (I even made him push the button to confirm the order) that he couldn’t change his mind about this after we order the costume.

Then he tells me, “But daddy, I’m going to become Bumblebee!”  And then I thought how I was getting all worked up over a line I told him a day before.

Because of course, I wasn’t going to dress up like Optimus Prime…

This is all because Catherine nixed the idea of Sal as Luke Skywalker, me as Jabba the Hut, and her as Leia while in Jabba’s custody.  Adrianne Curry tried it, but we would have pulled it off better.  For the record, she was okay with Sal as Luke, me and C3PO and her as R2-D2, just that we couldn’t find an R2-D2 costume her size (only toddlers apparently) and she didn’t trust us to make a decent one (wisely).

Oct 082009

To people I know…and it isn’t me for once!

  • While shopping for a suit, the boyfriend told the girlfriend “No way. Let’s go.”  Girlfriend liked the suit and wondered what was wrong.  Turns out the salesman ruined the sale by telling the boyfriend “Let me find your mom so she can see you.”
  • While shopping at Club Monaco, someone was asked if she was a college student.  She was floating. She didn’t care that college students get a discount and that’s why they were asking.
  • While at work, a co-worker noticed some changes in X’s body.  “Are you pregnant?”  Man!  I like that.  I thought only little kids said that. But I am wondering why they’re studying X’s body so much…