I’ve wondered for a while about sometimes when people ask questions and don’t like my answer cause it gives them tons of options.
I thought I was doing them a favor. But they make me feel like I wasn’t.
But first, a few examples:
Me: Want to go to dinner?
Marco: Where at?
Me: Anywhere you want.
Or…when we were measuring body parts at work one day…
Scott: What are you guys doing?
Me: Measuring body parts. Wanna do it too?
Scott: What part?
Me: What part do you want to measure?
Scott walks back to his cube.
And today when talking about going to lunch with Danny, it all rushed back to me again. We started down the same path as the conversation with my brother, except he didn’t say no. He said he didn’t like it because I was opening it up to him to find a place that met his requirements, which weren’t well defined in his own head even. And it was much easier for him to hear a suggestion, evaluate it against his secret requirements, and then approve or veto. Reversing the roles, which I thought would be easier, as I was willing to go anywhere he dreamed up, turned out not to be desirable for him.
Forget the fact that I wouldn’t veto any suggestion of his. It wasn’t that he was uncomfortable with the vulnerability of making a suggestion and having it vetoed, cause that wasn’t a possibility. The work of figuring out a place though – that work just seems to be beneath him. But not me.
So I bought 10 strawberry sorbet bars and everyone was happy.
Except for the guy that wanted the 11th bar.
But as we talked about the power trip and the work of discovering a place that satisfied the undefined requirements, I wondered if that applied to the other situations, where I thought I was doing the kind gesture by giving all the decision making power to others.
But I think my brother just doesn’t like my company.
And the body part converation would have been different if we were alone.